I'm The One That Jaded You

Let The Music Do The Talking

2006-12-18T08:27:00.000-07:00

I've been up to alot lately. I joined Parents Without Partners. Saturday was our Christmas party. Last Sunday I went and saw the Nutcraker for the first time. It was beautiful.
Work has been alot easier this year. I'm only a couple of blocks from home and so I can get there in no time.
My little one is doing well. She's in the Challenge group for math because she scores so high in that subject. That fact amazes me since math was my worst subject in Elementry school. She must have gotten those skills from her Gramps. Speaking of, my dad fell 14 feet off a ladder in Sept and broke his tailbone. He's doing better now, tells everyone he broke his butt.
I'm currently on vacation from work. Saturday I'm flying out to pick up my little one and then we are going to spend time with Granna and Gramps. I got my little one a Disney Mix Max player for Christmas. I think it's really neat, except they need to make a car charger for it. I'm thinking the ipod one might work though.
My secret santa at work gave me a $20 mall gift certificate. I used it to buy "Night in the Ruts" and "Done with Mirrors" on vinyl at Krazy Days! I love records. There's just something about them. Part of it is the amazing cover art.
Last night I went to the $1.00 theater and saw "The Illusionist". I thought it was fantastic. On Friday I'm thinking of going to see "The Prestige" which will be at the $1.00 theater then. It's supose to be really good.

Eragon

2006-12-16T16:56:00.000-07:00

I just went to see the movie Eragon. I was really looking forward to it since I really enjoyed the book. The movie was horrible. After many years of reading books and watching the movie based on the book I expect some butchery. After all there is only so much you can do with a movie in the time aloted. This was worse. They made Arya human. They made Murtagh too jolly and all ready to go to the Varden. They made Tronjheim an outdoor camp. Don't waste your money on this, read the book instead.

...

2006-10-12T21:13:00.000-06:00

Well apparently even when things are going on I don't sit down and write. October 1st I saw Queensrÿche. They did the entire concept albums Mindcrime 1 & 2. It was great. We had front row tickets. The only bad thing is that at the end they came out for an encore and other fans pushed their way forward, a fight started and it was not fun.
On the 6th of the month I went to the Barley Room with Tracy and her parents without partners group. We had a lot of fun. The Barley Room makes a great Jack and Coke.
Last night I went and saw Superman Returns at the dollar theater. I enjoyed it but I felt like I was missing a lot of key points. I never saw the Christopher Reeves Superman movies. Well, bits and pieces, but never the whole thing. Myroommatee says it picks up where Superman 2 left off and ignores 3 and 4. So I think I may have to watch them and see what I think. The moviedefiantlyy left the ability for asequell.
Yesterday I finally went to the doctor about my asthma being out of control. She reminded me that I really needed to be more careful as some people have dropped dead from asthma. I am now taking both Advair and Singulair. The worst thing about this is that my co-pay for these prescriptions comes out to $70 a month.
Monday my brother is going to get atattooo of our family coat of arms on his back.
Yesterday I found out that my 24 year old cousin had to have an ovary removed and her tubes tied due to cancer. They said it would be too dangerous for her to have more children.

The punishment sometimes

2006-09-17T16:59:00.000-06:00

I'm blocked. Since May I've written six posts, mostly filled with incosequencial nonsense. Everything I've even thought of writing down has seemd trite and repeative. I've thought about scrapping this whole thing and starting over, but what's the point? Would a new format really help? I'm not just blocked here, I'm blocked everywhere. I haven't been able to think up so much as a line of poetry. My conversations have bored me to tears. I don't know how to break out of this cell. I don't know anything to do, but to keep on trying and to say I am blocked.

It's time to Crash

2006-08-20T08:42:00.000-06:00

Where have I been? Lost in a land of broken computers and dial-up. My parents not only live in the border country they live in a whole other world. My summer has been wonderful despite this lack of writing. I went to Wyoming after I picked up my little one, to see my sister. We all went up to Yellowstone. That's just a beautiful place. My phone however didn't work in all of WY and CO. Then we brought my niece and nephew down for 4 weeks. Now I'm sitting here at Luna's computer because of a completely lack of sleep last night wondering if I'm making any sense at all. Who needs sleep? Sleep is for the weak. The funny thing about being totally out of touch in WY and CO was that it cause C. to leave his first ever voice mail message.
I have one more week until my little one goes back to NY. The summer has flown by. Tuesday I have CPR class and Thursday is my first official day back at work. I don't have much to say all things considered.

Is such a sweet place to be

2006-06-21T21:09:00.000-06:00

I know I don't write. Something about the summer heat. I just wander around aimlessly thinking I should write, but I don't.
This weekend my little brother was here. We did a lot of drinking. Had dinner at the Chama River Brewery, Pelican's, and some little Italian bar. We went to the movies and saw "The Omen". That was an awesome move. Terrifing without being gory. I've never seen the original but little brother says it holds up.
He bought "Greenstreet Hooligans" and "Sin City". Both are amazing movies that I now must own. "Greenstreet Hooligans" is about a Yank that gets involved with the West Ham firm through his sister's brother-in-law. To me it was an inspiring story of a guy learning how to be a man. "Sin City" we watched a chapter at a time. He bought the remastered recut edition. Why no one had told me about this amazing peice of work earlier I don't know. I found it highly reminecent of my favorite author Micky Spillane and of Raymond Chandler. I must start buying these books. I need those movies.
Little brother introduced me to a few new whiskeys, I like Jameson, Manhattans, and a couple of wines (I hate wine! I'm a whiskey girl!). He had brought a friend of his along so we had a DD the whole time.
Then the little dear sprayed my apartment for bugs. Yep I had bugs in my bathroom. Yuck. I could have taken care of it myself, but he offered.
Now on Friday I'm flying to Buffalo to pick up my little one. Two months of fun in the sun! Monday we are heading to WY to visit my big sister and then after about a week of that we'll head down to Deming to hang with my parents.

sometimes the things you see they just ain't so

2006-05-26T21:09:00.000-06:00

I'm on Summer Vacation. It started at 3:00pm May 19th and will continue until August 21st. You'd think I'd write more with all this extra time on my hands, but I haven't been inspired and so there it is. Tomarrow morning I'm going to a training class to be a poll worker for the June 6th primary elections. Last weekend I went to see the DIA versus the Ho-bots game (Duke City Roller Derby). Today I went by Free Radicals and picked up three Derby pins.
I discovered that you can read all the vanity cards from the end of Dharma and Greg episodes here.
My apartment is clean thanks to a new vaccum and a pet hair removal tool.
I have been keeping random hours since I don't have to be anywhere at any time. It's been nice. In three weeks my adorable baby brother is coming to visit and take me out drinking. In four weeks I will be flying to Buffalo to pick up my little one. The Monday after that we are accompaning my parents and the two youngest sibs to Wyoming to see my older sister. Then when we come back to NM I will most likely be spending the rest of my vacation in Deming with the family.
With all this free time on my hands I've been watching reruns of tv shows I liked back in the day. One of my favorites, Boy Meets World, explains a lot about my expectations on love. I really wanted one of those we've loved each other forever romances. I wanted to have the whole "Cory and Topanga" thing. Crazy, no? I think that's why I have a hard time truely moving on and looking for someone new in my life. It's easier to fall back on the old stand-by's that I know will break my heart over again, than to give up on that crazy wish and be open to new love. At twenty-nine I think I'm getting too old for that highschool crush wish. I need someone more mature. I need a love I've never had before. In this one aspect I think I really do need to grow up.
However, speaking of highschool, check out Silk Vault and the writings of my old chum, Dyana.

Feeling like a piñata

2006-05-10T06:43:00.000-06:00

Got this from my cousin and most of it is absolutely true!

You might be a NEW MEXICAN if....
FOR THOSE OF YOU NOT FROM NEW MEXICO.....IT IS NOT IN MEXICO IT IS A STATE IN THE USA :)

You just might be a New Mexican if.....

You are still using the paper license tag that came with your car five years ago.

Your favorite restaurant has a chili list instead of a wine list.

You do all your shopping and banking at a drive-up window.

Your Christmas decorations include "a yard of sand and 200 paper bags".

You have license plates on your walls, but not on your car.

Most restaurants you go to begin with "El" or "Los".

You remember when Santa Fe was not like San Francisco.

You hated Texans until the Californians moved in.

The tires on your roof have more tread than the ones on your car.

You price-shop for tortillas.

You have an extra freezer just for green chili.

You think a red light is merely a suggestion.

You believe that using a turn signal is a sign of weakness.

You don't make eye contact with other drivers because you can't tell how well armed they are just by looking.

You think six tons of crushed rock makes a beautiful front lawn.

You have to sign a waiver to buy hot coffee at a drive-up window.

You ran for state legislature so you can speed legally.

You pass on the right because that's the fast-lane.

You have read a book while driving from Albuquerque to Las Vegas.

You know they don't skate at the Ice House and the Newsstand doesn't sell newspapers.

You think Sadies was better when it was in the bowling alley.

You can't control your car on wet pavement.

There is a piece of a UFO displayed in your home.

You know that The Jesus Tortilla is not a band.

You wish you had invested in the orange barrel business.

You just got your fifth DWI and got elected to the state legislature in the same week.

Your swamp cooler got knocked off your roof by a dust devil.

You have been on TV more than three times telling about how your neighbor was shot or about your alien abduction.

You can actually hear the Taos hum.

All your out-of-state friends and relatives visit in October.

You know Vegas is a town in the northeastern part of the state.

You are afraid to drive through Mora and Española.

You iron your jeans to "dress up".

You don't see anything wrong with drive-up window liquor sales.

Your other vehicle is also a pick-up truck.

Two of your cousins are in Santa Fe, one in the legislature and the other in the state pen.

You know the punch line to at least one Española joke.

You have driven to an Indian Casino at 3 am because you were hungry.

You think the Lobos fight song is "Louie, Louie"

You know whether you want "red or green."

You're relieved when the pavement ends because the dirt road has fewer pot-holes.

You can correctly pronounce Tesuque, Cerrillos and Pojoaque.

You have been told by at least one out-of-state vendor that they are going to charge you extra for "international" shipping.

You expect to pay more if your house is made of mud.

You can order your Big Mac with green chili.

You see nothing odd when, in the conversations of the people in line around you at the grocery store, every other word of each sentence alternates between Spanish and English.

You associate bridges with mud, not water.

You know you will run into at least 3 cousins whenever you shop at Wal-Mart, Sam's or Home Depot.

Tumbleweeds and various cacti in your yard are not weeds. They are your lawn.

If you travel anywhere, no matter if just to run to the gas station, you must bring along a bottle of water and some moisturizer.

A package of white flour tortillas is the exact same thing as a loaf of bread. You don't need to write it on your shopping list; it's a given.

At any gathering, regardless of size, green chili stew, tortillas, and huge mounds of shredded cheese are mandatory.

A tarantula on your porch is ordinary. A scorpion in your tub is ordinary. A poisonous centipede on your ceiling? Ordinary. A black widow crawling across your bed is terribly, terribly common. A rattlesnake is an occasional hiking hazard. No need to freak out.

This one's not from my cousin. It's mine:
You might be a New Mexican is you need to hit alt+0241 to spell several words on your computer.

it's finders keepers

2006-05-08T20:27:00.000-06:00

Since I last updated:

Last Thursday my cell phone was stolen. By one of my four year olds. Luckly his mom found it and I got it back the next day.

I got this marriage proposal(or maybe I'm jumping to conclusions either way)from my lovehappens profile.:
"mariage
hello am from maroc . .ihave 31years.my job .controle qualite in societe pharmacetique' i hope you will _ ***********@hotmail.fr
tel ************
welcome home"

He's really cute, but I'm not into diving off the deep end like that.

I saw "Silent Hill". Be afraid of churches, bathroom stalls and the light. While there I saw a preview for the remake of "The Omen". I'm thinking to catch that when it hits the dollar theater. Though you gotta love the release date 6/6/6 (okay so there should be some 0's in there but it's more dramatic this way.) After exiting the movie I found a copy of "Kiss the Girls" in the bathroom with a note attached that said this was not a lost book it's a traveling book. Part of www.bookcrossing.com, something I will have to look into more.

I attempted to rollerskate and remembered why I haven't done it in twenty years as it induced a panic attack. Everyone else there made it look so easy too!

Can't believe the cover ups and lies

2006-05-01T20:20:00.000-06:00

I am a huge fan of the Colbert Report. Not as much as the Daily Show, mind you but it's great. If you didn't see Steven Colbert at the WH Correspondents' Dinner check it out.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

but it's so overrated, love and hate it, wouldn't trade it, love me jaded

2006-04-24T21:29:00.000-06:00

Today I'm 29.
When my mother turned 29 she had a BA, house, husband, couple of cars and three kids.
I have a daughter, an ex, and share a two bedroom with a roomate.
Who's the success here?
Oddly enough I'd have to say me. You see I'm, despite my rambling contridictions, basicly happy with my life. My daughter adores me and I have several friends. I don't have to run and hide. I may have to where the occasional mask, but I don't have to live in one.
My mother goes on what we call "avoid her family" trips. Before she retired she would spend 80 hours a week in the office, often just playing solitare. Her children when discussing her often think she's crazy or feel the need to drink to deal with her. Her husband will tell her that he agrees with her but will then go behind her back when it comes to issues with the kids. She doesn't seem to have delt with the issues in her past.
I love my mother, but I am glad I'm not her. Even though I wanted the house, the BA, the husband and several kids. I'm glad I don't have to deal with her issues.
I'm happy to be 29. I'm happy to be me.
Yet, I still want more. I'm content, but I can still dream.

'cause love is like the right dress on the wrong girl

2006-04-18T07:18:00.000-06:00

For the most part things are good. My birthday is coming up in about a week. I've already gotten two presents. Elya got me Karaeoke Revolution Country and Aunt Anne gave me a magazine on card making.
Also in good news I found that Wal-mart now carries scrap booking pieces for $0.94 by "Handmade Art." This is cool because usually such add-on pieces are anywhere from $2 to $5 dollors by other companies.

Now for the one thing that I have to ask about. All my life I've been told that girls can't seperate sex and love, but for boys it's not an issue. Also all my life I have had no trouble seperating the two, but have known lots of guys that can't. I've ranted about this before, but once again it's cropped up in my life. Esteban has been calling me again. He's flirting a lot on the phone, and me being me I'm flirting back. It's been light and no big deal. Then last night he said something that makes me think he's going back down that old road again. The thing is after the last time I have no feelings left for him. Oh sure he's attractive, but I don't love him. In fact if I love anyone it's Chris. I go to bed thinking of him and wake up with him on my mind. However I don't think anything will ever come of that. So my basic problem is that I care about Esteban as a friend so how do I keep him from being hurt? Honestly I don't think I can. Maybe I should just quit talking to him for awhile. Give him some space to get it.

'cause you are so very

2006-03-28T09:23:00.000-07:00

A - Accent: I insist that I talk the way normal people do, others say I have a "cute" southwest accent (very different from Texan accents)
B - Breakfast Item: Cracklin' Oat Bran or PB&J sandwich
C - Chore you hate: none I can think of
D - Dad's Name: Phil
E - Essential everyday item: books
F - Flavour ice cream: Andes Mint Chocolate Chip
G - Gold or Silver?: Silver
H - Hometown: Deming, NM
I - Insomnia: No.
J - Job Title: Head Start TA
K - Kids: one daughter
L - Living arrangements: Roomate and daughter
M - Mom's birthplace: Deming, NM
N - Number of significant others: Ever? or currently? Ever:4 currently:0
O - Overnight hospital stays: 1 for me + 2 more for my baby
P - Phobia: none
Q - Queer?: What's your definition of queer? If you mean gay, no.
R - Religious Affiliation: n/a
S - Siblings:One older sister three little brothers
T - Time you wake up: Usually around 6:00am
U - Unnatural hair colours you've worn: orange (on accident), and copper
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: cabbage
W - Worst Habit: Throwing everything on the floor
X - X-rays you've had: Teeth, Chest, Bladder
Y - Yummy: Andes Mint Icecream
Z - Zodiac sign: Taurus

messin' around all the time

2006-03-26T15:15:00.000-07:00

I was just looking at the ipod at apple.com. Did you know you can get them engraved for free? One of the suggested engravings was "will you marry me?" That's awesome. I would love to open a birthday present, it turns out to be an ipod, I'm in 7th heaven and then I flip it over and it says that. Too cool.
I don't know why I keep looking at ipods. I know I can't afford one. However my roomate told me I could have her xp3 Classic MP3 player (10 gb). She doesn't like it. I say it's a bunch of steps up from my broken Durabrand CD player. By the way Durabrand makes the worst cd players I have ever experienced.
I am a tad frustrated today because I keep trying to call my little one and no one at her dad's is answering the phone!
On a bright note I only have to work on Monday this week, but I get paid for the whole week. I love Spring Break.
I have spent this entire weekend doing nothing productive. Just messin' around with my computer and the apartment. Rearranging crap and what not.
Next payday (4-7) I'm cutting my hair. I can't stand it anymore. Right now it's the longest I've ever let it get, a couple of inches past my shoulders. I think I'll cut it chin length.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2006-03-17T07:01:00.000-07:00

In honnor of St. Patrick's Day, an Irish Blessing taught to me by my father.

May those who love ye, love ye.
And for those who don't love ye,
May God turn their hearts.
And if he canna turn their hearts,
May he turn their ankles,
So you'll know them by their limping.

Take the wind right out of your sails

2006-03-12T07:26:00.000-07:00

IT'S SNOWING! IN MARCH! IN NEW MEXICO!

Just push play

2006-03-11T19:15:00.000-07:00

I downloaded an add on to my firefox browzer so that I can now control my music without clicking out of firefox. It is so cool. Now I want to know how to password protect folders on my computer and especially my bookmark folders. Anyone know how to do that?
I haven't updated much lately. For one I tried to update a while back and did something stupid and lost my post. This totally annoyed me and I couldn't remember what I'd written. The other reason is I just haven't felt well.
In two weeks I'm going to cut my hair. Right now it's the longest I've ever had it. It goes a few inches past my shoulders. I'm going to cut it to at least chin length. I don't really like my hair long. It has just enough curl to it that it looks ratty long, as though I hadn't brushed it in days. (I brush my hair at least once a day.)
I went back to the doctor March 1st and reviewed my blood work. I don't have reuhmetoid athritis, so I probably have osteoarthitis like my mother. For the first time since I can remember I didn't have animea. Everything came back peachy. I still need to make an appointment to go to the physical therapist. Not looking forward to that. Mostly because I hate spending the $30 co-pay.
Last week I talked to my daughter. She informed me that I need to stop calling her mi hijta because she is Not Little. I told her that as long as she is littler than me I will keep calling her mi hijta.
Eleven more work days and then it's Spring Break. A six-day weekend!
I'm currently reading "Going Postal." Terry Pratchet is a wonderful writer. Any time your feeling stressed out, pick up a disc-world novel and you'll be laughing in no time.

You think that's where it's at but is that where it's sposta be

2006-03-06T19:02:00.000-07:00

I got this from lunablossom. I don't know if anyone who reads this knows me well enough to do it, but check it out anyway.

Johari

'Cause falling in love is so hard on the knees

2006-02-16T05:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to the doctor (she's really a nurse practitioner, but I think they are easier to deal with). I was told that I might have Fibromyaligia, and that my knees are in such bad shape that within the next year or two I'm going to have to have the insides of my kneecaps scraped. For now she's sending my to physical therapy and having blood work done. Then when I go back she's probably going to refer me to a reumotologist. She also informed me that I need to lose weight(well duh!) I informed her that I eat less than I use to and exercise more and that I still don't loose weight so she's also checking my thyroid out. This is why I don't like going to the doctor. I always seem to get bad news.
Yesterday C. stopped by unexpectedly. That was cool. He only hung around for a little while, but it was nice that he wanted to see me before he left town tomorrow.

I've Been Thinking bout you, my my baby blue

2006-02-14T08:11:00.000-07:00

In honor of Valentines day:
A picture of my first love, from back in 1995. He was alot cuter without the oversized glasses.

The first love poem I ever wrote. Keep in mind I was in junior high or highschool.

It's what you've always done
laughing to hide so much
pain that's inside

But how can I know
if that's what your
laugh really ment?

You tell me you love
me and I can't help
believing

So laugh and
I'll laugh and
let the love flow

With your arms
around me tight
I'll try not to cry.

And a picture of the one person I'll always love the most.

I feel so badly for you

2006-02-11T17:35:00.000-07:00

This winter here in New Mexico has been horribly dry. I know it's a desert, but it's been worse than usual. Then last week, due in part to the dry weather and probably in part to stress, my skin went bonkers. I believe it was eczema, I itched everywhere. I used all kinds of intense treatment and now I'm better. I decided that I need a regular regime to keep from having eczema flair ups. So last night I bought Aveeno Skin Relief Lotion. I rubbed it on my hands and immediatly had a bad allergic reaction. My hands broke out in hives and burningly itched. Luckly I was able to return it and by this morning my hands are fine. I am using Aveeno Skin Relief Body Wash with no problems. It doesn't have the medicine that was in the lotion.
Yep this is how exciting my life is.
On a brighter note we finally got a lead teacher. She started Tuesday and seems nice. I think that she's a bit controling though. She feels that this year it's too late to make changes but oh the ideas for next year! I need to get a degree so I can have my own class room.

But it all depends on what'choo think

2006-02-09T07:52:00.000-07:00

For about a month now I've been frustrated that my printer has been jamming about 90% of the time. My printer is less than a year old and I couldn't figure out why that was. Today I stuck my hand into the paper slot trying to decided if there was a bit of paper or something in there. I've done this several times recently with no luck. Today I noticed that there was something, what seemed to be a part of the printer, loose. I pulled it out when I realized it wasn't connected at all. It turned out it was the cap of a 20oz coke bottle! On the bright side I won a free 1-liter.

You're my Angel, come and make it alright

2006-01-29T07:18:00.000-07:00

I had been depressed for about a week. It seemed like there was nothing to be optimistic about. Then last night C. called me. He's out of Iraq and back in Kansas. He's going to come see me Saturday. With one little call I feel so much better.
Last night I also talked to my little brother. He told me he has to stop answering the phone when Mom calls and he's been drinking. I told him "duh." Apparently the last time this happened Mom was going off about "our little sister," and he told her "Why are you telling me this? She's not my sister. She's not my blood and she's done everything she can to declare she doesn't want to be a part of this family." Mom of course was furious but I agree with my brother. You see our three youngest siblings are adopted. The difference is that the two boys love us and act like they want to be part of our family. Therefore we hardly ever think of them as adopted. Well older sis does but that's mostly because of the huge age difference. She's 32 and they're 16 and 14. Her son is 13. But "little sis" has done everything she can to hurt everyone in this family. I'm not talking about her getting pregnant and giving the baby up for adoption. None of us are hypocritical (besides mom) enough to be upset about the pregnancy and giving the baby to a good family was the smartest thing she's ever done. It's the lying, stealing, and purposely trying to hurt everyone. Mom invited her to come home for two weeks after the baby was born to get her energy back. It was totally up to her. She acted all grateful and then told 16-year-old brother that she didn't want to be there. At Christmas when she claimed she was being evicted from her apartment and Dad said he would come by on Saturday to take stuff to Deming to store for her. That morning her roommate told Dad that she hadn't come home from the night before. She didn't even bother to call and tell him she was okay. He finally got a hold of her work and found out from them everything was fine. She's just mean like that, completely inconsiderate.
I just got off the phone with my little one. She's doing real well. Her step-mom is annoying me though. I sent some gummy vitamins home with her at Christmas, because she told me she didn't have any vitamins. I asked her today if she was taking them and she said no, because her step-mom won't give her "candy vitamins" and makes her take "real ones". I know I shouldn't care about petty little stuff like that, but it bugs me.
This part is just for Ithiel: If you've noticed me on yahoo messenger and are wondering why I'm not talking it's because I keep forgetting to sign out when I take off. I've been leaving that thing on for days at a time.

And his wife's aggravation, You'll soon end up dead

2006-01-22T09:45:00.000-07:00

Why Math is Taught in School

(Written By A Very Wise Man)

I was riding to work yesterday when I observed a female driver cut right
in front of a pickup truck, causing him to have to drive on to the shoulder
to avoid hitting her.

This evidently angered the driver enough that he hung his arm out his
window and "flipped" the woman off.

"Man, that guy is stupid," I thought to myself.

I ALWAYS smile nicely and wave in a sheepish manner whenever a female
does anything to me in traffic, and here's why:

I drive 48 miles each way every day to work.

That's 96 miles each day.

Of these, 16 miles each way is bumper-to-bumper.

Most of the bumper-to-bumper is on an 8 lane highway.

There are 7 cars every 40 feet for 32 miles.

That works out to be 982 cars every mile, or 31,424 cars.

Even though the rest of the 32 miles is not bumper-to-bumper, I figure I
pass at least another 4000 cars.

That brings the number to something like 36,000 cars that I pass every
day.

Statistically, females drive half of these.

That's 18,000 women drivers!

In any given group of females, 1 in 28 has PMS.

That's 642.

According to Cosmopolitan, 70% describe their love life as dissatisfying
or unrewarding.

That's 449.

According to the National Institute of Health, 22% of all females have
seriously considered suicide or homicide.

That's 98.

And 34% describe men as their biggest problem.

That's 33.

According to the National Rifle Association, 5% of all females carry
weapons, and this number is increasing.

That means that EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drive past at least one female that
has a lousy love life, thinks men are her biggest problem, has seriously
considered suicide or homicide, has PMS, and is armed.

Flip one off? ....... I think not.
(forwarded to me by my cousin Jenny)

Her whole world's come undone

2006-01-19T20:06:00.000-07:00

She was a pretty little girl
quick to smile
loved to be held
artsy & creative
I picked her up one day
and asked her
where did you get this ya-ya?
Very Matter Of Factly she replied
Daddy hit me with a belt.

That'll fill a sea of pain

2006-01-14T15:27:00.000-07:00

This week at work sucked.
We had self-assesment so everyone was a bit parinoid all week.
On Wednesday I had to do a CPS report and the cops came on Thursday. I don't understand how anyone could ever hurt a child. It's just heartbreakingly evil.
On Friday a boy brought a gun to the highschool campus that my class is located on. He was apprehended before anything could happen thankfully.

Hopefully next week will be better and at least it's a three-day weekend!

I'm back in the saddle again

2006-01-07T11:32:00.000-07:00

After two weeks on break and a week back to work I'm finally getting around to posting all my news.

Christmas was nice. My little brothers gave me white chocolate kit-kat bars and my oldest of the little brothers was distraught that the snifter glasses he ordered me hadn't come in yet. My older sister sent me a alphabet cross stitch book and a hint as to which she wanted as a sampler. Aunt Anne gave me a subscription to Better Homes and Gardens. My daughter gave me some earrings, pink so I'm sure she picked them. We went up to the ranch after Christmas, I hadn't been there in almost ten years. Showed my daughter where we scattered Grandpa Art's ashes, and spent some time with the cousins.

New Years Eve we(Mom, Me and Emily) stayed up till midnight. Acctually Emily fell asleep 10 minutes to midnight and refused to be awoke.

I also got the three boxes of girl scout cookies I had ordered from my daughter. Thin Mints. Yum.

Today there's a party down in Deming celebrating Papa's 70th birthday (which was on January 3rd). I bought him some John Deer trivits, that can also be used as wall art, and attached an "award" ribbon that said "Birthday Boy."

On the Thursday before New Year's we all drove up from Deming. Christalle (idiot younger sister) came over to talk to my parents. She had told them she was being evicted at the end of December, but now claimed that she had given notice because she thought she had another apartment but doesn't. Mom told her that Dad and the boys would take some of her stuff to Deming and store it for her while she figured out what she wanted to do and that she could come stay with them for a while after she gave a two weeks notice at her job. She seemed annoyed that her couch and bed probably wouldn't fit in the van to go and that she would have to sort out her stuff, but agreed to be up at 8am to meet Dad. However at 8am on Saturday her roomate told Dad that Christalle had worked late last night and hadn't come home. Dad called the resturant and they said they hadn't seen her since she left the night before. A few days went by of hearing nothing (consequently nothing of her's is in Deming) and Dad called the resteraunt again. The host said she was there and made Christalle talk to Dad. She said "Did you need something?" To which Dad replied "Just to see if you were dead in a ditch or not." That was the extent of the conversation and as far as I know she hasn't talked to any of us since.

This week at work felt very productive which is good because next week self-essesment is coming. Yuck. We got told on Thursday that we were getting a teacher on Monday. We've been without one for two months and without a goood one all year. On Friday we were told we weren't getting one because they had not advertised in-house before advertising to the general public. We might get one next month.

Today I have been pretty productive. I cleaned the kitchen, did the laundry, went grocery shopping, mailed Mom her battery charger to her camera, and helped my roommate donate junk to GoodWill. I also wrote an entry, which I haven't done in about 4 weeks.

Downtown's a pity

2005-12-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

By the way none of what they were talking about on this quiz was music I like.

Your 2005 Song Is

Mr. Brightside by The Killers

"It started out with a kiss

How did it end up like this

It was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"

Let's just say you're happy to be done with 2005!

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

Just slippin' through the cracks

2005-12-11T08:27:00.000-07:00

I read this article today. I felt it showed a very one sided view, and didn't look at the big picture.
State-Run Preschool Programs Outscore Head Start
The problem is that we try to hire people with 4 year degrees and they won't stick around. We can't afford to pay them enough. Or at least that's what we're told. By 2008 all teachers in Head Start have to have their BA. I think by 2010 they want all teacher associates to have their AA. I've been getting the impression that the government wants better results by giving us less money. They also forget that Head Start is suppose to be more than just teaching. There is a reason why we are under the Department of Health and Human Resource and not the Department of Education. We are suppose to insure that we have healthy kids and that the families are given the support they need. We help families to get proper health care, legal advice, housing, clothing, and food. We make sure the children are growing properly and we work with the families to get them better nutrition if they aren't. Recently when one of our families was in an accident, the mother died the little girl needed extensive surgeries, each of our 33 centers pitched in money that parents had raise to help this family make it through. We care about people not just test scores. The view that Head Start is just another pre-school is part of the problem. If people would look at it closer, maybe they would see the good we do. I also want to know, do the state run preschools take everybody? We take mostly low-income children. Many of them have no books in their homes. The education or lack of at home can make a big difference in those test results too. We do teach our children. We teach pro-social emotional skills, how to share, why hitting is not okay(even if mommy and daddy do it), letters, colors, weather, calendar, how to read a bar graph, numbers, what to do in an emergency, cultural awareness, seasons, animals, and lots of other things. We give our children one guaranteed place they can feel safe and loved. I really feel that what we do is important. I just wish every one else would see the same picture I look at.

Tell the people

2005-12-09T19:50:00.000-07:00

I am sick. I ache all over. My brother is wonderful. I called and told him I was sick and he told me to drink hot water with honey, lemon, and Jack Daniels. It is so good. Now I'm going to bed

Rag doll, livin in a movie

2005-12-03T20:16:00.000-07:00

I just finished watching my second Hitchcock film "Vertigo." It wasn't quite what I expected. Wonderful twists, very suspenseful, and such an ending! You almost expect the ending, but keep thinking nah they would do that to him would they? A definte additon to the must sees of classic movies. I think Hitchcock is brillent and I love Jimmy Stewart almost as much as Bogart.

honey what have you done

2005-12-03T14:14:00.000-07:00

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

2005-12-03T14:04:00.000-07:00

"He wondered how she'd take it when he said goodbye.
Thought she might do some cryin': lose some sleep at night.
But he had no idea, when he hit the road,
That without him in her life, she'd let herself go.

Let herself go on a singles cruise,
To Vegas once, then to Honolulu.
Let herself go to New York City:
A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty.
When he said he didn't love her no more,
She let herself go.

Instrumental break.

She poured her heart an' soul into their three-bedroom ranch.
Spent her days raisin' babies, ironin' his pants.
Came home one day from the grocery store and found his note,
And without him there to stop her, she let herself go.

Let herself go on her first blind-date:
Had the time of her life with some friends at the lake.
Let herself go, buy a brand new car,
Drove down to the beach he always said was too far.
Sand sure felt good between her toes:

She let herself go on a singles cruise,
To Vegas once, then to Honolulu.
Let herself go to New York City:
A week at the Spa; came back knocked-out pretty.
When he said he didn't love her no more,
She let herself go.

To Vegas once: Honolulu, New York City.
Came back knocked-out pretty."
--lyrics to the George Strait song "She let herself go"

Comin' after you honey, feet don't fail me now

2005-12-02T21:43:00.000-07:00

Your results:
You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern		100%
Spider-Man		85%
Supergirl		80%
Wonder Woman		70%
Robin		70%
Superman		65%
The Flash		60%
Hulk		55%
Batman		55%
Catwoman		50%
Iron Man		35%

Hot-headed. You have strong
will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the "Which Superhero are you?" quiz...

We need a medicine man

2005-11-20T08:29:00.000-07:00

I just got off the phone with my daughter. She got 7 fours on her report card and the teacher says she's a model student. I'm so proud of her.
I'd just like to say a little something about our troops in Iraq. A lot of them feel the same way a lot of people here do about the war, they don't like it any more than we do. Yet they made a promise to protect our country by following the command of leaders we elected. So this Christmas if you have a few extra bucks laying around maybe you could consider sending it to: Operation Gratitude 16444 Refugio Road Encino CA 91436. Apparently $10- $15 can send a package to one of our soilders. Let them know that we care about them, no matter how we feel about the war.

Everybody's lookin' at the sky

2005-11-18T22:31:00.000-07:00

I just got back from seeing Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. It was great. I loved Malfoy the bouncing ferrit. I did not agree with some of the changes that were made, but what can you say, still a great movie. I understand that certain things had to be cut or we would have sat there for a day or so. However the changes like Crouch Jr.'s suposedly being in Askaban all this time, and at the Riddle house, and the complete lack of house elves, I had problems with. I don't think it would have been difficult to not make those changes. Oh and why didn't Ron cut the lace off his dress robes, like in the book? That could have been done by simply showing him at the ball without lace. I did think the graveyard scene was excellent. I understood changing the maze, because going through all the details of the skrewts, sphynx and spider, could have taken too long. Harry however seemed too well adjusted at the end. I guess they didn't want to make us leave the theater too down.

Some kind of Voodoo

2005-11-18T06:43:00.001-07:00

This is from angelkris
Cirlce, Triangle, Square

Every shape and design may be reduced to the same basic building blocks: points and lines. For some, those words may dredge up painful buried memories of high school geometry class. But they can also take us back to a time when the world was simpler, to grade school art class when a house could be drawn using four squares and a triangle or a face created with a circle, two dots, and a wavy line. This quiz asks you to assume that innocent perspective and sense of creativity once more.

You'll need a pen and paper for this game. Using a single circle and any number of trianlges and squares, draw a design on the paper.

Here's my answer:
I drew a circle with five triangles inside each point touching the edge of the cicrle and the base corners touching each other. Fifteen small squares surrounded the circle not touching anything. I used a pen. Drew on the back of Thursday 17th of November George Carlin daily calendar.
So what does all that say about me?

No matter what we do tonight

2005-11-12T12:15:00.000-07:00

6 more days! I already have my tickets. Thanks to Fandango. 4 tickets: $40 Seeing the movie with two fan girls and a fan boy: priceless. I watch too much tv.

'Cause pink - it's the new kinda of lingo

2005-11-07T06:34:00.000-07:00

I bought the web cam. It's very easy to use and I'm liking it so far. I haven't acctually used it when IMing yet. Just shot some dorky video last night and then deleated it. As soon as I installed it I realized I need a new desk lamp to be able to acttually make it work. So I got one that's called an arcitect's work lamp.
I watched "A Lot Like Love" last night. It was a decent romantic movie but not nearly as funny as I thought it would be from the previews. I prefer more laughs in my movies and less real life.
I had this conversation with C. on Saturday about what he wants his life to be like, after he said his life was pretty boring. He says he wants a wife and family so at least I know we want the same (sort of, I want a husband not a wife) thing. Now to convince him that I'm the one he should want that with. Sometimes I think he feels more for me than he lets on. Like he's afraid to get hurt. Other times I think he doesn't. Who knows maybe we're playing the same game of dance around the subject because we are afraid of what the other will say.

And I think everything is going to be all right

2005-11-04T20:28:00.000-07:00

Evil supervisor lady may be gone for good! I am so happy! We talked to our CD and told her what's been going on in the classroom. Then two parents also complained. It was great. She had to go to a meeting and is suspended (leave without pay) for three days. She probably will just quit, but since she also was supose to finish out the day and just walked out, she may get fired. When that happened I felt much better. I've been very concerned for my kiddos and now I'm much happier.
I'm thinking of buying a web cam. I'm thinking of getting a Logitech QuickCam Commuicate (STX 9614100403). Does anyone know anything about these things? I want one but I'm not sure about it. I can get one from Circuit City for around $50.
Anyway I'm feeling pretty great tonight. Incrediably tired because I've been too stressed to sleep well all week. I'll probably go to bed early tonight.

This post brought to you entirely by DNRC-newsletter@unitedmedia.com I didn't write any of it

2005-10-29T13:44:00.000-06:00

MY OWN DILBERT BLOG
===================

When I see news stories about people all over the world who are experiencing
hardships, I worry about them, and I rack my brain wondering how I can make a
difference. So I decided to start my own blog. That way I won’t have time to
think about other people.

People who are trying to decide whether to create a blog or not go through a
thought process much like this:

1. The world sure needs more of ME.
2. Maybe I’ll shout more often so that people nearby can experience the joy of
knowing my thoughts.
3. No, wait, shouting looks too crazy.
4. I know – I’ll write down my daily thoughts and badger people to read them.
5. If only there was a description for this process that doesn’t involve the
words egomaniac or unnecessary.
6. What? It’s called a blog? I’m there!

The blogger’s philosophy goes something like this:

Everything that I think about is more fascinating than the crap in your head.

The beauty of blogging, as compared to writing a book, is that no editor will be
interfering with my random spelling and grammar, my complete disregard for the
facts, and my wandering sentences that seem to go on and on and never end so
that you feel like you need to take a breath and clear your head before you can
even consider making it to the end of the sentence that probably didn’t need to
be written anyhoo.

If that doesn’t inspire you to read my blog, I don’t know what will. You can
find the Dilbert Blog at

http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/

Tell ya honey how I feel

2005-10-23T16:11:00.000-06:00

My mother will be here soon. She's spending the night. I feel like a little kid because to clean up I shoved everything under the bed and in the closet. Which she will undoubtable notice but hopefully not comment on.
I talked to C. today. I talk to him every weekend. I just wish that he would come to the realization that we would be great together. As more than just friends. I won't say anything because I don't want to lose the friendship aspect. It's just that I could picture us together with a housefull of kids. I think deep down he still wants that with someone, but he's given up on it. I don't know that he'll ever realize that I've always been there, perhaps because I always am. Ah well. I'm content for now.
I'm not sure if I'm hoping my little sister will be there or not tonight. Mom told her that if she was home after five that we would take her to dinner. Either way she's bound to be the center of the conversation. Mom is determined that I should have a relationship with this kid, but I think that at this point in her life it's a waste of time. She doesn't respect anyone, even herself. I tried to do the "let's be friends" thing when she moved here and she used it to take as much from me as possible. Including steeling my favorite earings and necklace. I wouldn't mind sometime in the future trying again, if she ever even tries to change. She won't though, anytime soon. I think she just needs to be totally cut off for awhile and then maybe she'll come around.
I think the most frustrating thing in my life right now is I feel like I have all the answers if people would just listen! Concided am I? Maybe, but maybe it's just that I'm running from my own problems. Don't want to face facts, would rather a knight in shinning armor would rescue me.

Losin' touch with all that's real

2005-10-20T07:21:00.000-06:00

Today is my mother's birthday. She's 51 today.
I love old movies. Especially in black and white. There's something perfect about the drama that lack of color portrays. Especially the mysteries.
I finally finished "The Rule of Four" yesterday. It was a slow read. Not too long, just so much jumping around in the time line that you could easily get lost. For me the number of pages in a book is not what determines the time it takes to read it. Certain books are very fast paced, you could read 300 pages without even realizing how far you've gotten. Others require more devotion.

Love wasn't much of a friend of mine

2005-10-16T11:20:00.000-06:00

Every so often I look at my comments, or lack there of, and think I should write something more exciting. Then I remember that this is why I never wanted my work published. I want to write for me. If other people like it, or it sparks a conversation then great. I just wish I had more self confidence.
My writing is like my love life. I want to be able to feel and think everything, but I'm too scared. What I have right now may not be great, but it's something. It's companionship and friendship. If I tell him I love him I might lose what little of him I do have. I've been told that even though what I say is true, if I tell him I might gain more. I'm conservative in this. I want him to fall in love with me. I want him to tell me, before I admit anything. If he does it's less likely that I'll get hurt. Which makes no sense because that's how it's always gone for me. The boy tells me first, I respond, and then edventually he leaves me anyway. It happens. Nothing assures the future. Yet I cling to the hope that if I just don't say anything maybe it will work out. Even if it doesn't I'll assume that it never would have worked out anyway and at least I didn't embaress myself.
Then again maybe that's what's wrong with my writing. I am not letting go anymore. I use to write freely. I use to write poetry almost every week. Now it is all in my head, but I can never get it out on paper.
My past relationships have me so scared that I don't know if I'll ever be able to be in a relationship. I think I'll always wonder if he's cheating, or lying, or not happy, or I'm not good enough. By the end of my marriage I was completely convinced that I was not good enough for anyone. That I was immpossible to live with. That no guy would ever want to be with me. Then I jumped into a relationship with an old flame. He told me that he loved me and wanted to marry me. That lasted four months and then suddenly he didn't think I was the one for him. I don't understand anything at all.

They found with your gun

2005-10-12T07:29:00.000-06:00

I went to see a live performance of Chicago on Sunday night. It was amazing. I was a little suprized at the breivety of their outfits. Most of the female characters looked like the were in their underwear. It was okay, neither add nor detracted from the play. I really enjoyed the scene where they revealed Ms. Morning to be a man. That was hysterical and unexpected.
I talked to my little one on Sunday morning. She's convinced that three of her teeth are loose. Her step-mom says it's just wishful thinking. Aparently her two best friends have already lost their first tooth.
Today's parent meeting night at work. That means I'll be there extra late.

I've had it all up to here

2005-10-06T07:20:00.000-06:00

The first cup of hot chocolate of the season is always the best. You're warmed all the way through. I love hot chocolate. I make mine using Swiss Miss Chocolate Sensation, add a peppermint stick and top with whipped cream. It's perfect.
Fall and Winter are my favorite times of the year. I love cold weather, bundling up in warm comfy clothing, and the holidays. Halloween when we can all be kids again. Thanksgiving with the family and the best meal of the year. Christmas is just magical.
Meanwhile the teacher I'm working with is still a moron. I'm trying to convince her that it would be in her best interest to quit. She could cut down on milage by working somewhere closer to home. With gas prices on the rise it would save her so much money. It would also give her more time to be with her family. Plus another job wouldn't give her the stress of so much paper work. Now that she's getting assisted living money for taking care of her aunt she doesn't really need to work. She could do something part time. See, I'm being positive!
Meanwhile I heard from my friend in Iraq. He'll be there until Jan or Feb. It's good to know that he's okay.
My little brother's been calling be quite a bit lately. I haven't seen him since March and I think he's just missing me. He's a great kid, but he pushes him self too hard. I supose he has to, what with what he's trying to achieve.

dream until your dreams come true

2005-10-01T22:48:00.000-06:00

Just a bit of a recent IM conversation:
lunamuse76 : you have that mother instinct so strong you smell like freshed baked cookies
gottabesomethingmore: Are you sure that's not just the vanilla sugar body wash I use? LOL
lunamuse76 : lol
gottabesomethingmore: but really that's sweet
gottabesomethingmore: Now if only you knew a great guy to hook me up with. Preferally one who's interested in moving back east.

We're seeing things in a different way

2005-09-25T09:38:00.000-06:00

You are a
Social Liberal
(76% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(21% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Socialist

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid

Same old same old everyday

2005-09-17T19:25:00.000-06:00

I have just finished reading "Lost in a Good Book" and am in desperate need of "Well of Lost Plots." unfortunately pay day isn't until Friday, so I'm out of luck for the time being. "Lost in a Good Book" as a wonderful unexpected revelation on page 324. It's a great book, but I highly recommend reading "The Eyre Affair" first.
Dad came by today and brought me an old bunk bed mattress that is much better than the one I had. It is firmer and contains no springs, unfortunately it's about twice as thick so I can no longer sit up in bed. Oh well, I think I will have a better night's sleep now at any rate.
I finally got Chenoa on the phone today. I was very glad to hear from her again. Things seem to be going well for her, though she has been very busy. Mike's gone back to college and we got to have a real nice chat, something we've not done in quite a while. We talked about the usual, theoretical politics, art, the death penalty.
I've been sick all week, but am much better now. Just tired.

you told me that you loved me and then you called me someone else's name

2005-09-10T19:52:00.000-06:00

I keep hearing about this sexual stereo type that sex means emotional connection to women, but only a physical in the moment thing for guys. In my experience that's not nessesarly true. In my life sex is an in the moment thing. Sometimes it's because I love someone that I have sex with them, but sometimes it's just for the joy of having sex. Guys I've been involved with seem to not understand this. I once had a guy ask me why I could say yes to sex before I could say yes to love. I've had other guys avoid me after the fact simply because they were under the misguided impression that I would seek a non-exsistant relationship. Other guys however seemed to not fall prey to the sterotype and realize that sex is just sex.
However, in writing this I have paused to look back on some of my past entries, and found that at one point I do make a reference to emotional involvement in the sex act. Let me clarify in saying that in the case of a three-some or othe social frowned upon acts there is some emotional entanglement. This is more to do with the level of trust involved, the desire to not let it get out in public, the fear of judgement, than with any feelings of love.
I supose the reason all this is on my mind is because of the events in my own life. My dear friend C. was here in November and we fooled around a bit. I love him and always will, but have always known that nothing will come of it, so I never expect more than friendship from him. He dropped back by on New Year's Eve and told me he was getting back together with his love and I wished him the best. Since then he called me once to tell me goodbye before he went back to Iraq, but has not been online or called otherwise. I think he is avoiding me because he fears that I am upset about his impending nuptuils. Truely even if he loved me I don't think we could ever stand to be together long term, and so I am very happy for him as long as he is happy. On another note, and another boy I will always love, I have been talking to Esteban again. The problem there is that we (at least I think we!)love each other, but he keeps finding reasons why it won't work and leaving me (his latest is that he feels the church will save him from his problems where all else has failed and I am wiccan which he feels is incompatible with his beliefs). Currently we are trying to just be friends, but I think we are having a hard time keeping old romantic feelings at bay.
Personally I would like to find someone totally new to my life to settle down with. Someone who won't object to my beliefs and who won't object to hiding said beliefs from my family. As I am already twenty-eight and not acctually doing anything to find someone, I doubt this will happen. Tonight, for the momement I am content to be alone and not try or worry about it.

All I want is someone I can't resist

2005-09-09T06:36:00.000-06:00

I've been buzy, exhausted, and depressed. That's my excuse for not writing in here. My baby's back at her dad's. Wednesday was her first day of 1st grade. I'm missing her like crazy. September second my little sister gave birth to a baby girl that she constantly refered to as "it", the adoptive parents named the baby Megan. My sister doesn't seem to be feeling anything but relieve that it's finally over.
Work is stressful. There is conflict already starting between the new teacher and the new specialist.
I'm currently in the midst of three different books. I have a habit of doing that. It's hard to wait for one to be finished before starting the new one.
Maybe I'm just lonely because my daughter is back in NY, but I seem to be slipping back into that junior high mode of feeling like I need a boyfriend. It's ridiculus. I don't need one. I've been quite happy without one. I'm just missing having someone to be there for me, to hold me, to make me feel special. I want someone, but not just anyone. I want someone who won't give up on me, who won't take off after just a few months or years. I want someone more permanent.

when your down on your luck

2005-08-13T05:38:00.000-06:00

I went to my blog this morning and was thrilled to see a comment on my recent post. Thrilled until I opened it and found that it was a rather long advertisement. I immediatly trashed it, but really how annoying! I have already expressed my displeasure at people so chicken to sign as "annonymous". This is one more reason why. It's not like I expect anyone to leave a real name and address. Simply a blog or other link so that I can know more about you. I don't think that's asking too much.

This week I went through a mess involving Columbia House and my bank. First there was an unathorized payment to Columbia house in my pending transactions. I called the bank and they said I had to wait till it posted to do anything about it. I then called Colubia House and they said since the order hadn't been shipped they could just cancel it. That night it left my pending transactions and I thought oh good I don't have to worry about it. The weekend went by and I went to check my bank balance. I was overdrawn because Colubia House had not cancelled "my" order. Since it was now in posted transactions according to my online statement, I called my bank again. The lady insisted that it was still in pending and I would have to call back tomarrow. This resulted in me being unable to get my little one anything from the zoo (I had a field trip there with my school kids and wasn't allowed to take her). The next day my bank had assesed an overdraft charge which along with the unathorized charge they took off after a lot of arguing. Thankfully it's all back to normal now.

This morning I am watching Night Court while mjita takes a shower. I love TV Land. Emmy-kin's favorite shows are Mr. Ed, The Munsters, Bewitched, and I Dream of Jeanie.

Today I'm taking my little one to get her haircut and then our family picture taken. I'm nervous about how her hair is going to turn out. Her step mother cut it very unevenly before I picked her up and I'm not sure what it's going to take to fix it.

Is all you get

2005-08-08T18:35:00.000-06:00

The last two days have been rather sucky. Yesterday, after waiting all day to go swimming, we went to find the pool locked. I always feel rather silly walking across the parking lot, toward the apartment, completely dry, in my bathing suit. Previous to that my child was messing around and smacked her head into my face. I have been sore ever since. This morning I woke up to find that Columbia House had made an unathurized charge to my account, over drawing me my $15. Considering I had called them three days ago to straighten this out I am not happy.
I also found out on Friday that my class is being transfered from La Mariposa cluster to the Embudo cluster. I am not thrilled with this because I like my current cluster.

Currently to relax I am sitting at home watching a UFO program on the History Channel.

I got the right key baby but the wrong key hole

2005-08-04T18:06:00.000-06:00

the Prankster

(30% dark, 34% spontaneous, 33% vulgar)

your humor style:
CLEAN | COMPLEX | LIGHT

Your humor has an intellectual, even conceptual slant to it. You're not
pretentious, but neither are you into what some would call 'low humor'.
You'll laugh at a good dirty joke, but you definitely prefer something
clever to something moist.

You
probably like well-thought-out pranks and/or spoofs and it's highly
likely you've tried one of these things yourself. In a lot of ways,
yours is the most entertaining type of humor.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Conan O'Brian - Ashton Kutcher

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

Yeah, yeah, and that's the reason why

2005-07-31T07:25:00.000-06:00

little flowers
floating in water
gliding across the edge of a tea cup

bits of poetry
written in red
all over a white box with drawn hearts

he tries so hard
she says she's happy
yet gives nothing but words of critizism

We've had hovering thunderstorms all week. When the weather is like this my kids at work are horrible. The atmospheric pressure seems to drive them to be as naughty as possible. I had to write up five incident reports this week. Finally on Thursday the storm broke and we had a good two hours of rain. Friday the kids were back to their usual selves. It's amazing how the weather effects their behavior.
I think that either my ex is embaressed by his behavior at Christmas or his wife found out that he spent the whole day here. When he dropped off my daughter at the hotel in Bufallo she was with him, and now she's coming to pick Emily up instead of him. She's taking their one year old on the train to get here, a two day trip. She thinks it will be easier to take the train with two little ones than to fly. I think she's crazy for not leaving the baby at home with grandma, but then maybe everyone has to work.
This afternoon I'm taking my baby to see Sky High. In two weeks we are going to see the Dukes of Hazard. With all the remakes and tv show movies do you ever wonder if hollywood is running out of ideas?
My dad was in town yesterday to fix my sisters bathroom. He took us to Wendy's to eat. Emmy-kin got an ommpa-lumppa (I know I can't spell) and didn't like it because it wasn't green. She's only seen the original version of Charlie and the Chocolate factory. I won't take her to see the new one because I think Jonny Depp is creepy.
Friday I went to wing basket with JoJo, teacher I work with, then we went over to her house and I learned how to make egg rolls.
Despite the behavior at work, all in all I've had a pretty good week.

About the girls of summer

2005-07-23T18:05:00.000-06:00

On Tuesday I finnished "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." I felt like several plot points had been thrown together. I feel like they might be important in the future, but should have been woven in to a better story line. The title itself seemed inappropriate as the half-blood prince seemed like the minorist of plot points. The death scene was highly anti-climatic, and expected.
As I can't remember which books I read between Jan and July, I'm going to start counting as of July 1st.
1.Angels & Demons
2.Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince
3.Whiskey Sour
I just finnished "Whiskey Sour" today. It's the first in a new series "a jacquline "jack" daniels mystery." I found it very neat. It's a bit graphic, lots of detail. I am ready for the sequel "Bloody Mary" to hit paperback.
Wednesday I called in sick just to spend a little more time with my little one. We are having a great summer. She's grown up quite a bit just since Christmas. She doesn't whine nearly as much. I think she's better adjusted now. She has several freinds that are exchanging "letters" with her. They consist of a short sentance and a picture.

head down spin around

2005-07-13T20:14:00.000-06:00

I finished reading "Angels and Demons" today. It was deliciously ironic. I loved the ending. One of my favorite qoutes is "Neutrinos have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic!"
Speaking of books I thought I'd like to do this fifty book challange. I think I should exclude all the children's books I read every day. If I add those in I have about 50 a day. Unfortunatly this is July and I'm not sure what all I've read so far this year. Maybe I'll wait until January. Or I could start as of July 1 and go until next July.
On Sunday I will be reading "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." I have to wait till then because on Saturday I will be at my cousin's wedding.
Today we took the kids to the duck pond. It was beautiful. I didn't have to pull anyone out, but the twins did stick a limb in each.
The other day I read all of Ithiel's blog and then wondered how disconcerting it must be to get all those e-mailed comments and not be sure which went to what. Today I found out as he had apparently done the same. I must say that I enjoyed reading every comment, but I believe I will go back to figure out a few of them.

There's something wrong with the world today

2005-07-11T19:17:00.000-06:00

DIVORCE

When did divorce get to be such a big part of our society? When did it become "completely normal" to walk away from your family? When did we decide to expand the good reasons for getting a divorce from the "my spouse hits me, cheats on me, hits the kids, is verbally or emotionally abusive" to "we weren't 'meant to be', I met someone else, it just wasn't working," and the forever vague "irreconcilable differences"?

I wrote that awhile back and was thinking it again as I read through Ithiel's journal last night. Why is it that we think this is no big deal anymore? I have twenty little kids in my class at work and I think only the twins biological parents are still together. I can understand how sex can be purely physical, result in a baby and the two people not want to get married or be together. What I can't understand is how someone can say they love you, knowing that it's not nessesary for sex, want to marry you, have a child with you and then one day decide that it's not enough. Then to go off an marry someone else and have a child with them. How can you walk away from someone you love? How do you fall out of love? I just don't get it.

john was cool, he never did no after school

2005-07-10T13:27:00.000-06:00

I'm back home. My grandmother loved her cookout birthday party. Everyone was amazed at how much my Emmy-kin has grown. I got to hold baby Peysen, until he spit up all over me and then I gave him back. Next weekend I might be going to Roswell for my cousin Jayme's wedding. I hope so, because then we can see Jenny's girls agian. I haven't seen Savanah since she was less than a year old.
If we read 15 minutes a day this summer my little one will get a "New York State Assembly Excellence in Reading Certificate." Currently I'm reading "Emily of New Moon" to her.
I'm thinking about going back to school, but I'm a bit scared. So far I've made every excuse not to go back. The thing is if I can get my degree it will make it a lot easier to move to some state closer to my baby. I'm thinking maybe Vermont, New Hampshire or New York. Just not Maine. I've read too many Steven King novels.

I don't want to miss a thing.

2005-07-07T05:45:00.000-06:00

Fourth of July weekend was hectic, but lots of fun. On Saturday I flew to Buffalo and picked up my baby girl. Sunday we flew back, my mom, dad, two sisters, two of my brothers, niece and nephew met me at the airport. On the 4th we went to the Albuquerque Aquarium and Botanical Gardens. The Butterfly Pavilion was especially neat. We all came back to my apartment for lunch and celebrated my little ones birthday (only a month late). My older sister helped me make a giant cookie for it instead of a cake. Emmy wanted that because that's what her cousin had for her birthday. That night we went to the Isotopes game. They won, yea for the hometeam! Tuesday I went back to work and everyone else went to the Rio Grande BioPark (fancy name for the zoo.) Yesterday Emmy started her daycare, she says it's one of her favorite places to be. This weekend we are going to Deming for my grandmother's 70th birthday.
By the way we did name our baseball team after the Simpsons episode where Homer discovers that the mayor of Albuquerque is trying to buy the Isotopes. At the games they show bits from that episode on the big screen.

For another child

2005-06-18T16:54:00.000-06:00

"Beyond that, you have to go to specific measures. When it come to naming letters of the alphabet, both 3- and 4-year-olds showed improvement, but if you looked at early math skills, neither 3- nor 4-year olds showed gains compared to the general population." -Wade Horn

This was a quote from an article about Head Start:
Head Start Children Show Some Gains
By KEVIN FREKING
The Associated Press
Thursday, June 9, 2005; 7:40 PM

What it doesn't tell you is what the government considers early math skills. I work in Head Start and have seen the test they give my pre-kinders at the beginning and end of each year. The early math skills include being able to read a bar graph, which by the way each of my students could do by the end of the year, add, subtract, multiply (They show a picture of five nests with two eggs in each nest and want to know how many eggs there are. Most children count and say five.), read a pie graph (without lines, which seems a bit off to me). I want to know which kids in the "general population" they are testing. Many of our kids walk into our room with learning disabilities, poor health and hygine, and a desperate need of love and attention. Often it isn't that the parents don't want to do better, they either don't know how or are so swamped with trying to be single parents they don't have time. We train our parents as well as our children. Contrary to Mr. Bush's belief, that all we are is a pre-kinder school there to teach academics, we teach these children much more. We teach them how to serve themselves food, how to resolve conflicts without violence (hummm, maybe Mr. Bush needs to go to Head Start.), how to wash their hands, that police are the good guys, that fireman aren't scary, we potty train some of them, we give them three meals a day so that they can grow up, we get them counsiling so that they can live a sucessful life. For more about what we do click here.
Can you tell I'm a bit passionate about my work? I love these kids and they need our help. We do so much good just teaching them not to resort to violence.

Freak out, I'm alone now

2005-06-09T18:33:00.000-06:00

I have been walking around for a week composing entries and not acctually typing anything here.
Today is my Emmy-kin's 6th birthday. This is the first one I'm not with her. I did call her this morning. I hate being so far away from her. I wish I had the money to move closer. I also wish I knew where to move to, because I do not want to live in the same small town as her dad.
So last Sunday I finally watched Episode 6. I will now rank them best to worst (though I liked them all) 1. Episode 6 because it tied everything up and left me with a happy ending. 2. Episode 2 because I loved the foreshadowing. 3. Episode 3 because it was really funny when Anikin said "NOOOOOOOooooo!" and I still think he became Darth Vader because he was tired of being called "Annie". 4. Episode 5 because it had Yoda and I love Harrison Ford. 5. Episode 1 because I liked it better than... 6. Episode 4 because it was rather campy, though at least it didn't have Jar Jar Binks.
Feel free to leave lots of comments arguing with me. I was really in conflict over spots 5 and 6.
I had a lot more to say, but it has all slipped my mind.

but it's so overrated, love and hate it, wouldn't trade it, love me jaded

2005-05-30T20:11:00.000-06:00

I like the fact that I can look up from my computer and see the outdoors. Granted living in a city my view also includes Dillard's. I look through this big window, that is only big because all that seperates me from it is the table that my computer is on.
I like the fact that my comupter (screen, keyboard, mouse, speakers and all-in-one printer) sit not on some fancy computer table. The proudly reside on an old all metal folding table. Underneath the tarten that is covering the table is a "I love Bernina" bumbersticker from the days when this was my mother's sewing table. I love furniture with a story.
I like the fact that my bookcase with glass doors was made by my father. My mother got so mad at him because she wanted me to have a hope chest for my 16th birthday and I talked him into the bookcase instead. My older sister was mad two years later when my dad made me the hope chest too.
I like the fact that the open bookcase was made by my ex-husband with a lot of help from my father. It reminds me of the few happy times in our marriage. The day we picked out lumber and I desinged the odd shelving arangement. Times when our books were intermingled. (always write your name in your books)

I have now seen Episode 5. We didn't get to episode 6 yet. That will probably have to wait till next Sunday. I thought it was a few steps up from 4. I especially love the scenes with Yoda. Though at first I thought that maybe the time spent in the swamp had made him a bit daffy. Though all I could think of when Laia kissed Luke was "ewwwww". I also think that Mr. Lucus is a bit obsesed with hands. At least the plot felt much stronger in this one.

And have me a love affair

2005-05-29T07:04:00.000-06:00

My baby girl is all about the knock-knock jokes lately. She makes up random words to fill in and they make no sense but I laugh all the same. I told her this one:
Knock Knock!
Who's There?
Banana.
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana Who?
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana.
Now she keeps telling it to me, but she mixes up banana and orange.
As for the Star Wars movies. I had never seen any of them in full, just a clip here and there, until Episode 1 came to the theater. My best friend insisted that we go see it. Afterward when she realized I'd never seen the original trilology she wanted me to watch them then and there. I said if they are episode 4-6, I want to see 2 and 3 first. This throughly upset her. But I stuck to it and saw 2 and 3 in theaters. Last Saturday we watched 4 on dvd, today the plan is to finish them off. A lot of people have told me that I should have watched the original series first. I really was only adament about this to be unique. Most people have seen 4-6 first. I don't want to be most people. I'm quirky that way.
I recently made some song suggestions to manish and was informed that he was looking for something more high octane. I then realized I'm not sure what qualifies as high octane in the world of rock. Can anyone give me some ideas? Let me know some high octane songs! As you can probably tell, most of my rock is focused on Aerosmith. I also like Bon Jovi, Jackle, Alice Cooper, Guns 'n Roses, and many more. Aerosmith however will always be my first love of rock 'n roll.

But it all depends on what'choo think

2005-05-28T09:32:00.000-06:00

Summer session is off to a good start. Turns out the teacher I'm working with and I get along a lot better than anticipated. We have a three day weekend because of Memorial day. I get another one for 4th of July. Then the next break isn't until Labor day. Yes I seem to live for my brakes.
In a week I buy the tickets to go get my Emmy-kin for the summer. I'm picking her up on July 2nd. She's decided to dye her hair pink for the summer. The reactions to this years Christmas card when I send that picture ought to be ammusing. My older sister is already horrified by the thought, but I feel that it's just hair. Nothing that will last forever. Besides at 5, almost six, she's not doing it out of rebelion, but for a sense of fun.
Having seen Episodes 1-3 of Star Wars I finnaly concented to watch Episode 4 last week and tomarrow we are watching Episodes 5 and 6. I felt 4 was very campy, amusing, but not at all what I expected after 20 some odd years of hype and spoofs. I kept expecting to see a giant comb during the droid search scene.
My cousin is getting married next month. Her new last name will be Elftman. What seems funny to me is that her soon to be father-in-law is the Rev. Elftman. I don't know why that's funny it just is.
I feel like I've been neglecting my friends lately. Then I think, "Hey they have my e-mail and phone too! Maybe they're neglecting me!" Yep I can justify almost anything.
Wednesday my mom is coming to town for a few days. Which means I need to clean up this room. It currently looks like a tornato swept through. I've just been lazy lately. No excuses. Though really I have to leave the house by 6am to get to work and don't get home till after 5pm. Anyway, I better get to work.

That you know you'll be alright

2005-05-14T18:09:00.000-06:00

I heard from my mom just now that she talked to Chris's adoption case worker. I'm glad to hear that she really is putting the baby up for adoption. I was worried that it was just another one of her lies. I think it will be the best thing for her and the baby.
Two more days at my regular class, then two days of cleaning, one end of the year celebration, and on Monday I start my summer class.
It's a windy, cloudy day here. I like the clouds, but the wind plays havock with my allergies. We've had a mild spring, temps in the 70's, but before you know it summer will be here and then it's sure to be in upper 90's or more. I keep thinking that I want to move to a colder climate. My sister, on the other hand, wants to move somewhere warmer. She lives in Kemmerer WY.
I'm cross stitching a Kokopelli for my mother. I like this project. My arthritis hasn't been too bad lately so it's been coming along fast. I've also finnished two more cloth books for the baby room at La Mariposa. After my mother's Kokopelli I'm going to cross stitch the Bronco logo for my nephew, and a country looking peaches design for my older sister.

Tell me what you think about your situation

2005-05-12T06:48:00.000-06:00

Because I'm too stressed for a coherent thought...

2. WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? gray

3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? the whir of the fan.

4. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? quaker granola bars.

5. DO YOU WISH ON STARS? No, I keep thinking what's a glowing ball of gas going to do for me?

6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Hunter Green.

7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW? 46 and sunny, but the high today is supose to be 77.

8. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Jesse

9. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS? No one sent it, I took it off 1031.

10. HOW ARE YOU TODAY? Tired as usual.

11. FAVORITE DRINK? Jack and Coke.

12. FAVORITE SPORT? Basketball.

13. HAIR COLOR? Brown.

14. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? Hazel.

15. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS OR GLASSES? nope.

16. # OF SIBLINGS? five, an older sister, three little brothers, and a little sister.

17. FAVORITE MONTH? December

18. FAVORITE FOOD? Mom's enchiladas.

19. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? at home: six days, seven nights. In the theater: Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxey

20. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR? 4th of July.

21. WHO DO YOU CALL TO VENT? Chenoa

22. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD? The toy wooden truck my dad built me.

23. DREAM VACATION? England, Ireland, and Scotland or Germany.

24. FAVORITE FLOWERS? poppies or morning glories

25. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? godiva chocolate

26. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO REPLY? They can do whatever they want to do.

27. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? You tell me.

28. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Some random person who stumbled upon my blog by accident.

29. CRAZIEST THING YOU'VE EVER DONE? to risque to talk about

30. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Sunday.

31. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED? A futon mattress,two pillows, a heating pad, several suitcases, some stamps and paint.

32. WHO IS THE FRIEND YOU HAVE HAD THE LONGEST? Elya.

33. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT? Watched Law & Order

34. FAVORITE SMELL? My parent's backyard

35. WHO INSPIRES YOU? Mickey Spillane, Terry Pratchet, J.K. Rowling, My brother Darby.

36. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF? Falling in love and having it not work out again.

37. PLAIN, BUTTERED OR SALTED POPCORN? None

38. FAVORITE CAR OR TRUCK? '65 Ford Mustang, ragune red.

39. NUMBER OF KEYS ON YOUR KEY RING? Four

40. CAN YOU JUGGLE? ocassionally

to start again, take another breath

2005-05-08T07:16:00.000-06:00

I'm having a hard day and it's not even 8am yet. I miss my baby girl. I talked to her for a bit this morning before she had to go take her step-mother to breakfast. She's supose to call me back when she gets home, but they will probably forget. They usually do.

Once I crossed the line

2005-04-30T19:44:00.000-06:00

LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

He who dies with the most toys is still dead.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

I smile! because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

My cousin emailed me this list and I thought it was funny enough to share. My little sister came over tonight. You can acctually tell she's pregnant now. She was rude and annoying as usual. When she was done talking to mom she hung up the phone without checking to see if I wanted to talk to mom. She's going to her first doctor appointment on Monday. Apparently the case worker from the adoption agency is going with her. We think she's due Sept. 2, but who knows for sure. Have I mentioned how much I love my new Dell?

Something right with the world today, And everybody knows it's wrong

2005-04-30T09:04:00.000-06:00

This is the first post on my brand new Dell computer. It's great. The monitor is bigger, yet somehow takes up less space. I have yet to use the new All-In-One Photo Printer, waiting for a printer cord. I have named my computer George. Yes I am one of those people who names their computer. I also had a '65 Mustang in highschool which was named Sally.
The Federal Review at work went great! We had no non-compliances and they said we were a "model program." All the big bosses are happy. Now if only it wasn't still a possibility that Bush will shut down the entire Head Start program because he thinks it doesn't work. Not that he has an acctual clue what we do for these children. Of course part of his problem is that he's never had to worry about the education of his children, what with being able to buy the best, or where his next meal is coming from. We are not just teaching the things he wants us tested on, things like math and reading. We also teach these children how to get along, how to share, not to use profanity, not to beat the living daylights out of each other, to love books, basic hygenie, how to fix simple snacks and good manners. We help their families find places to live, get jobs, get an education, get help paying bills, get away from domestic abuse, be advocates for their children, and generally create a better life for themselves and their children.
This week at work was stressful, but now it will be pretty calm until the summer program starts up.

Time, don't let it slip away

2005-04-24T05:30:00.000-06:00

At 5:30am, on a Sunday morning, 28 years ago, April 24th, I was born. Yep it's my birthday and I'm 28 today. So far in my life I've written over a hundred poems, about 30 short stories, I have 44 college credits before quiting, I've had a baby girl, I've been married and divorced, I've worked with autistic children and in Head Start, I've made lots of friends and no real enemies, I've read around a thousand some odd books, I've been in real love twice and thought I was in love half a dozen times, I've said lots of things I regret, I've become best friends with my brother and sister, I've never really givin up on anyone (though I'm coming close with my little sister). That is the longest run-on sentence I've ever written.
I have no real plans for my life. I'm taking it one day at a time and trying not to worry too much. This suits me fine, but my family is a bit annoyed. They think I should have a plan. They think I should go back to school. I think I will when I'm ready.
Today I need to get the laundry done, clean up the apartment and do some sewing. We'll see if I do any of that, or if I just lay around watching TV or reading.

Walk this way, talk this way

2005-04-20T08:36:00.000-06:00

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

20% Dixie

5% Midwestern

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Yankee

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

I didn't like some of the possible choices on this test. For instance I say cellar and basement depending on the situation. It's a cellar if you use it to hide out from a tornado or store wine. It's a basement if you use it for doing laundry or storing junk. The pronunciation of "route" depends on if your talking about route 66 (rhymes with boot) or the route I take to get to work (rhymes with out). The "ya'll" thing I'm really somewhere in the middle on. And an easy class we usually refer to as "it's like rocks for jocks."
A few years back there was a move to make English our official language in this country. My response was to agree with Henry Higgins opionion of English in that "In America they haven't used it for years."

walkin' in the sunshine

2005-04-14T06:24:00.000-06:00

We took the kids on a field trip to Tinker Town yesterday. The guy who built this museum put up a sign that says "I did all this while you were watching TV." The kids loved it. After the museum we took them to Dock Long for lunch. The weather was perfect. I think one of my babies got a bit of a sunburn though. They loved the creek and were so excited to see a squirel.
Our bus driver however was a bit looney. She asked if one of the Highschool kids that came with us to help out was my daughter. I'll be twenty eight in ten days. There is no way I'm old enough to have a 17 year old daughter. I still have about 11 more years until that.
I got comfirmation that I do have a job for the summer. Now I just have to worry about picking up my hijta and finding a place for her to go during the summer.
I desperately need to have a yard sale. I keep meaning to talk to Anne about if and when I could use her front lawn for one. The problem is I haven't seen her in a while. I should see her Sunday night though, for her daughter's (my roomate) birthday dinner.

When winter hush turns summer pink

2005-04-10T07:57:00.000-06:00

It's snowing! I can't belive it. Yesterday and all last week it was in the upper sixties, I was wearing shorts. Now there are big huge flakes drifting down and sticking to the ground.
Have you ever noticed that a lot of girlfriends died in oldies music? There's "Teen Angel" and "Oh Where Oh Where can my baby be?" I'm sure there's lots more I'm blanking on right now.
I got my roomate chocolate Godiva butterflies for her birthday. $10, but well worth it for her giddy reaction. Men take note, if a woman loves chocolate she will adore Godiva.
For some reason oldies music always seems to be summer music. The fall and early winter are for my rock. Christmas and the rest of winter are devoted to country. Spring get's divided up. I do listen to all of it during any season. It's just that certain seasons seem to put me in the mood for cetain music.
I keep insisting that I don't want or need a boyfriend. And that's true most of the time. When I really miss having a guy in my life is when I'm sick and achy and just want to be held. Or at night when I'm drifting off to sleep, I'd love to feel someone's arms around me. Not all night, just as I drift off.

When I wanna get her goin' Then I whip out my Big Ten Inch Record of the band

2005-04-09T18:00:00.000-06:00

I must have this. I want it. It's the neatest thing I've seen since the KitchenAid Mixer.
I love records. They have a quality that defines rock and roll and old country for me. I listened to the Beatles the first time on a record. I use to dance around my room to the Herman's Hermits playing on my record player.
I have also discovered that the Wal-mart in my neighborhood now carries powdered PowerAid. I love this stuff and it's much cheaper in powder form.
Today I went and saw "Sahara". It was a good action flick. It felt like it was an episode in a good tv show.
I've exchanged a couple of e-mails with my ex-boyfriend Esteban lately. He's depressed and lonely. So normal for him.

we're talkin' hoops you got me jumpin' through

2005-04-06T18:34:00.000-06:00

I'm not moving after all. My roomate has figured out her stuff enough that we don't have to move. She's still going to want this computer back, but my mom is giving me a new "very very basic" computer for my birthday at the end of the month. So if I only had $700 I'd be ecstatic. That's about how far behind behind on the bills I am. Of course after Friday that will switch to only being $400 behind. One day I will catch up and quit being such an idiot about my finances. Though I'm really not that bad off. After all with $6000 I could be completely debt free. Lots of people are a lot worse off than that. Unfortunatly I can't convince a bank to give me the $6000 and I'll pay just pay them. They only want to do that if you own a home.
All in all life is good and money isn't everything.
In other news, the apartment upstairs is getting re-done for new people to move in so we have a lot of loud noise to deal with.
Quote of the day, "I saw her! I'm not crazy!" "Where?" "Between the clowns and the big talking hot dog!"
I started this post at 6:34 and it's 8:00 now. I keep getting distracted. I stopped to eat pizza and to keep looking up to watch the tv. Now I think I'm going to go crash. I know it's early but I'm still recovering from this sore throat thing.

On a cold night

2005-03-30T21:27:00.000-07:00

You may have noticed that I changed my titles on the last two posts. I had gone off my usual method, due to shear lazyness, and have now decided I don't like that.
My cousin Kim called tonight. I haven't talked to her in years. We just kind of lost touch. She'll be back in town next Friday and we might go to dinner.
I'm sitting by a very drafty window and thinking of all the places I'd rather be, which really just add up to a emptyish beach somewhere. I love the feel of sand, the lapping of the waves.
I've just taken a handful of pills hoping that between the vitamin C, ibuprofen, guaifenesin and large cup of hot chocolate I might be able to turn this slight sore throat into nothing by morning.
I can't focus lately.
I talked to my hijta this morning. She told me the knock-knock joke I told her last week, but she got her fruits mixed up.
I'm feeling very disconnected, for no real reason. Not from other people, but from myself. Almost as if I'm not really here. Does that make any sense?
My mother offered to pay the other half of May's rent so that I can stay here until the end of May giving me time to look for a new place. Saturday I'm going to go in and find out if there is anything in this complex that's avalible in my price range.
Now I'm going to bed.

Yeah you're down on your luck

2005-03-29T22:03:00.000-07:00

My roommate wrecked her truck tonight. She did the same thing last year about this time. Her parents have told her that they can't help her this time, because they don't have the money. They did tell her to move back in with them and go back to school so that she can pay them back all the money she currently owes them.
So now I have to find a way to make it on my own. I've got to find an apartment, figure it all out. Tomarrow I'll call my parents and let them know what's going on. I'm trying to look at this as an oppurtunity. Maybe this will be for the best. Haven't I been complaining about all the little things that bug me? Who knows maybe Star will want a roommate, or maybe Stephanie will. Then again maybe I'll find something that will work for me. On the downside my roommate has already told me she's taking this computer back. That's going to suck. She feels that she can't afford that new IMAC she bought now. Well duh she couldn't really afford it to begin with. Anyway it's late, I'm tired, and I don't know what I'm going to do with myself.

You never know what you're gonna find

2005-03-22T08:02:00.000-07:00

I have to comment on the Terri Schiavo case. A lot of the other blogs I read have said that they think we should let her die peacefully. This isn't a case of dying peacefully. This is death by slow starvation. This isn't flipping a switch that makes the heart and lungs function, where death will come within the day. This can take a week or more. This is cruel. There have been people that say she can recover. I don't know if that is true. If she were my daughter I would sit with her everyday. I would get her any help I could. If she were my daughter and there was no hope, if I could flip a switch and let her pass on quickly and painlessly, I would. In Terri's case there is brain activity. It may be damaged but it's there. Just because you can't stand to see a vibrant young woman become physical and mentally hanicapped doesn't give you the right to kill her. We only have her husband's word that she said she wouldn't want to live this way. There's nothing in writing as far as I know. He refused to let a speech therapist try and work with her even though the therapist thought she might be able to talk. Makes me wonder why he's trying to keep her silent.
My point is that even though I don't have all the details in this case, I do know that death by starvation and dehydration is a cruel way to go. I probably wouldn't feel as strongly about it if they were talking about using drugs to let her go quickly.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2005-03-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

May those who love ye love ye
And for those who don't love ye
May God turn their hearts
And if he canna turn their hearts
May he turn their ankles so
You'll know them by their limping

Health and long life to you
Land without rent to you
A child every year to you
And if you can't go to heaven
May you at least die in Ireland

gotta change your crazy ways

2005-03-15T08:34:00.000-07:00

After a week of shorts and sleeveless shirts it desided to snow. We've had three inches already and they say maybe a total of 7 by tonight. This is the most it's snowed here all year. They even closed the schools and work is on a delay. I'm thinking of calling in sick, but then again there's stuff I could be getting done. The trees look beautiful.

And we'll be chasin all the clouds

2005-03-14T07:23:00.000-07:00

Thanks guys for the cheering up. I'm in a much better mood now. I think I was just paniking a bit about the whole mole situation. As it stands her dad got the second referel and they are taking her in April to check out how deep it is. Then they'll decided what to do next.
Next week is my spring break. You gotta love a job that gives you around 4 weeks of paid vacation a year. Sure you have to take it when they tell you and some of it is chopped up into three day weekends, but still a great deal. For the break I'm going home to watch my brothers so my parents can have a get away. They haven't been able to leave the boys in about two years. The problem is that even though they're teenagers they have certain issues that means they can't be left with just anyone. The oldest of the two at home has a violent temper when he gets set off and the youngest has medication that needs monitoring. I am uniquely qualified to handle the oldest because of the Mandt training I recieved for old job. Besides he never gets mad at me. I think it has to do with how I would handle his outbursts when he was little. Mom would hold him tight so he couldn't fight, but could struggle which just increased his rage. I would hold him upside down by his ankles so that he couldn't hurt anyone and edventually the rage would turn in to laughter about the ridiculusness of the situation. Even though I couldn't do that now I think that sticks in his mind.
My other brother will probably be there too, to help me with them and keep me company. Paul is the one I am so proud of for making the Dean's list three semesters in a row. Now he's campaigning to be student body president.
I'm also in a better mood this week because I bought new shoes that don't kill my feet with every step. I swear I am never shopping at Payless again. These Skechers seem good and I got them on sale for $18.
This week is going to be crazy at work. Tomarrow is Picture Day, Wednesday is the field trip to the Museum of Natural History, and Thursday is our Easter Egg Hunt. Speaking of work I'd better go get ready.

But nothing seemed to light my fuse

2005-03-09T20:04:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder about the damage we do to our child when we think we know what's best. Am I make big deals out of little things? Am I worring too much? Or not doing enough?
When she was one we took her to her grandma's for the day and moved into our new place. She left the trailer with her little nursery and crib that morning and returned that night to a new apartment, with no crib for the big girl.
When she was two her Dad went to Austin for two months and then we packed up the house and went to him. Leaving behind her grandparents and tio's.
When she was three we went through a divorce. I moved to Albuquerque leaving her with her dad. A few months later her dad moved in with his girlfriend and they all moved to NY. She had to start dividing her time between us. Summers and Christmas here, school year there, and great big transitions.
When she was four her dad married his girlfriend and when she was five they gave her a new baby brother.
Now we've found out that the birthmark that covers half her groin area and part of her leg is not a birthmark. It's a mole. The dermetoligist says it's not a problem now, but will be later if we don't remove it now. They might be able to lazer it off or it might require surgery. I know it's what's best for her in the long run, but what are we doing to her soul? Now we're not just changing her surroundings and her life, we're changing her body. What kind of effect will this have on her spirit? We'll do it because it's what's best for her, but I worry. Her dad has already decided she needs counciling to deal with the changes she's gone through.

All I ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. I feel like I've failed at both, though I'll keep trying to do my best at the last. What happens when your 27 and you feel like the one simple thing you wanted to do with your life, you've already proven your incapable of maintaining?

Don't mind me I'm just having one of my little worry times. I'll come around.

You come walking home

2005-03-02T15:41:00.000-07:00

It's early day. I love early day. Oh sure I have to be at work by 8am but I get to leave at 1:30. My regular shift is 9:30 t0 5:30. Really I like my regular work schedual because I don't have to leave the house until 8am and I always wake up at 6am. Therefore I have plenty of time to mess around the house. Early day however feels like cheating. Like skipping school without the possibilty of getting caught.

I've been listening to audio books on the way to work lately. I'm enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would. I love to read, but I wasn't sure about having someone read to me. At first I thought it might be seem lazy. Anyway I am enjoying it so far.

We have two and a half weeks until Spring Break. Then in April is the Federal Review. They come in every three years and inspect us. This will be the first time I've been around for one of these. I'm a little worried. Then again the worst that could happen is that they could shut down the program and I would have to find another job. Really I don't think it would go there. We do a good job and take great care of our kids. Our files are up to date and we have a decent system of showing outcomes. We also have a three year old who can read.

Sick As A Dog, a cat got your tongue

2005-02-24T19:58:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a long time since I updated, but in my defense I've been very sick. I even had to miss two and a half days of work last week. I even went to a doctor, which I haven't done in four years. I am doing much better now. Still tired and having trouble concentrating. Give me time and I'll be up to my usual nothingness.
On an up note my boss finished her dossier to renew her license so no more Saturdays devoted to helping her learn the joys of scanning, Photoshop, and cutting and pasting in Word. She was really quite clueless, but a fast learner.
My mother came to town last night. She intended to take me and my sister out to dinner. She went by my sister's school and they said she was on leave. Thinking she might be sick, my mother went to her apartment. There was no answer at the door, but the window was open a couple of inches. My mother peeked inside and saw... food all over the floor, beer cans everywhere, cigarette butts, a total disaster. She came and picked me up and told me that she was worried that maybe Chris was passed out, sick drunk. So we went back by the apartment. I saw something on the floor in her room that I thought might have been her. Mom rattled the window until the skateboard holding it in place fell and I climbed in to discover... it was just a mannequin head. She was no where to be found. We gave up looking and went out to eat. Mom's hoping to connect up with her on Sunday when she comes back through. I'm really getting tired of all the nonsense with Chris. I'm tired of watching how she hurts my mom with her behavior. I'm tired of how she tries to manipulate everyone. Mom wanted to know if I thought the police would do anything about her under age drinking if we called in an anonymous tip. I doubt they would. The police in this town are very overworked. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be easier on mom if Chris just disappeared, ran off, and we never heard from her again.
Even though I haven't been updating lately I have kept track of all the people I read. And just for curiosity's sake, here's a list:
Lunamama
Searching For Blue Sea Glass
The Monkey Cage
Steve
Bill's Stuff
A Chicken Is Not a Pillage
tequila mockingbird
Slippery Sweet
These are all great. But be patient with Lunamama as she writes everything down and then adds a dozen entries at once sometimes months apart. It's her way. If you ever saw her handwriting you'd know why. It's beautifully expressive. Unlike mine which looks very much like a guide to plain and simple handwriting for those who find it difficult.

Know where to Draw The Line

2005-02-08T19:58:00.000-07:00

The English language has under gone many transformations over the years. Some of them have been welcome changes for the better. Some have been bad, but happily short lived. Some are fine when said by the right people. For instance the phrase "true that". It sounds okay in rap song, perferable sung by Will Smith. It sounds stupid and extremly uneducated when said by my white roomate, who is into Japanese rock music. She's started saying it often in the last year. I don't know why, and she pronounces it "true dat" which might be how everyone does but still. Also the term "girlfriend" used by other girls to describe there friends. This isn't too bad when used by women under the age of twenty-five. However when a woman in her 40's says it, once again not so much.
I've lived in New Mexico for most of my life. I'm starting to think we have more Meth labs per capita than anywhere else. I supose it could be that we just talk about them more.
Having just finished watching Gilmore Girls 100th episode I will leave you from this quote from the show: "You can't leave Anglo-Saxons waiting for cake that long, they'll start forming more clubs."

Record of the band that plays the blues

2005-02-05T09:41:00.000-07:00

First some replies to comments:
Roger, I don't make New Year's resolutions. I don't believe in them. I also feel that I make a difference everyday just by showing up to work. I love my job. What other job can you spend half an hour building a sand castle, or singing a song, or making paper Kufi hats and get paid for it?
Monkey and bill, thanks for the words on my sister situation. They helped. So far she's still in her apartment and hopefully it'll stay that way.

When I was in highschool I had no cds. My boyfriend of the time kept telling me that tapes were obsolete. I informed him that I still listen to records. This floored him. Since then, and because of the decrease in cost of cds, I no longer own more than 5 tapes and have tons of cds. I still listen to records though. I love vinyl. I love the slight scratchyness. There's just something wonderful about records. The best part is finding them in junk stores for 50 cents.

And if that don't do it, I know the reason why

2005-01-31T07:54:00.000-07:00

I know it's been awhile. But really nothing much has been going on lately. So far my sister is still in her apartment. She came over on Thursday and was talking about being sick to her stomach on and off for the last two weeks. I asked her if she could be pregnat and she said no because it wasn't in the morning. I explained to her that "morning sickness" is not nessesarly in the morning and told her to get a pregnancy test. I don't know if she did, so know news there yet.
In payment for moving furniture and taking them off their hands we got two new purple chairs, a purple couch, two end tables and a coffee table. Our living room looks all grown up and not so much like college kids are crashing here. Very nice.
Now off to another week of rugrats.

For another child, who vanished out of sight

2005-01-17T19:02:00.000-07:00

My little sister is an idiot. I am sick with worry about what she's going to do with her life.
Yesterday I went to her apartment and acctually went in for once. She usually doesn't let me in the front door. The place was trashed. Her bedroom door was off the hinges, the carpet had many spots that looked like burns or some type of filth. There were beer bottles, ciggarette butts, and pizza boxes everywhere. She mentioned having had a wild party and that she was going to clean up latter. I desided not to tell my mom anything as there is nothing we can do and I didn't want her to worry.
Tonight my mom called. She told me that the landlady had called her because they've given my sister a seven day notice. This means that if anyone complains about her in the next seven days she'll be kicked out of her apartment. If not then she'll be on a six month probation. If she gets kicked out I don't know where she'll go or what she'll do. She can't move in with me. We have the same landlady and if I let her I could be in violation of my lease. Also the lease is in my roommates name and she wouldn't let her stay here.
I'm worried that she'll get kicked out and then disappear. I'm afraid that before too long we won't know where she is living or what she is doing. I'm afraid she'll go find her drug addicted biological mother and get hurt. I'm afraid that she'll destroy her life.
Unfortunatly there is nothing I or anyone else can do.

Yeah, Ain't That A Bitch

2005-01-09T17:57:00.000-07:00

After continuing to try all day, I finally got a hold of my daughter. She was tired and trying to finish her dinner before going to bed. (She's 5 and its 8pm there.) She told me about how the two shirts that my older sister had given her for Christmas didn't fit according to her step-mom who didn't even try them on her. After we finished talking I asked to speak to either her dad or step-mom and of course the step-mom got on the phone. I think my ex might be a little uncomfortable talking to me after the last time he saw me. After talking about how the shirts didn't fit, which is funny because they fit fine when she was here, she proceeded to tell me not to pick my daughter up on her last day of school because that makes things too hectic and I need to pick her up the next day instead. This is all before I've even made plans for when I'm picking her up. Why she thinks any of that is her business I don't know. Why isn't my ex telling me this? Maybe it's my own fault for not asking to talk to him. I really think the step-mom resents my existance. As long as I'm not there she can pretend that my daughter is hers and that she's not a homewreaking bitch. I wonder if she really trusts my ex since after all he cheated on me to be with her and at least once on her.

By the light of the silvery moon

2005-01-08T19:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was researching conspiracy theories for a story I'm working on, and because I find them amusing. I came across this: the moon is our enemy
The picture of the members makes them appear to be fun loving frat boys. This is a histerical site. It gives you a break from the tedium of most theories. They even give you an e-mail address, where I assume you can request a mailing address to send those unmarked bills.
On another note... what do you think the holy grail is? How about the theory that we originated from Mars? What is your favorite conspiracy theory? Maybe the Majestic 12?

I've been thinking alot lately about those internet matchmaking companies. They show these commercials with all their "sucess stories" that are now "happily married" none of which have been married more than two years. Beside the fact that they are probably paid to act happy, after only a year or so how do you know that's going to last? I want to see the stats on internet marriages ending in divorce. Then again as my daughter reminds me I don't need a boyfriend because "boys break your heart."

Safe complaining, 'cause everything's rotten

2005-01-02T22:01:00.000-07:00

This has been... a highly unusual day. As I was walking to the park, pulling my little one behind me in her wagon, my ex-husband (her father) pulled up in his rental car. He wasn't supose to pick her up until tomarrow morning. This was around 9am. He then proceeded to spend the better part of the day with the two of us. We went to the park, the mall, and then back to my apartment to watch movies. At one point my little one became extremely cranky and I had to put her down for a nap. Me and the ex went into the living room while she napped. I was exhaused from a lack of, highly emotional knowing that she would soon be leaving with him for another 6 months, and upset that she was upset. I started crying and he pulled me to him for a hug. He held me and told me he knew how hard it was. Then the idiot kissed me. I pulled away. He wanted to know what's wrong. I remined him that he was married and he responded with I was married to you once. Which of course just brought back all the wonderful memories of him cheating on me. Two and a half years after the divorce and one and a half years of being married to the woman he left me for has not changed him at all. He's still a rat. For heaven's sake he has a four month old at home. Then I had to spend the next five hours with him, waiting for the little one to wake up and feel ready to go (sort of).
By the time they left at 6pm I was stressed, upset, and in desperate need of diversion. So me and the rommie went and saw National Treasure. It was amazing. Only two mistakes we noticed. The bright shinny nail, and that the sun is positioned differently at different times of the year. Still a definite must see.

It's so hard to find peace of mind

2005-01-01T17:04:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned that I love having a computer in my room? It is so nice not having to share with anyone.
On the 22nd I got to the airport, headed for about 12 hours in the airport or in the air followed by 8 more the next day, and realized I didn't have a book. No reading material of any kind. I walked into one of those highly expensive airport newstands. I bought batteries (for by this time I realized that I also had not brought spare batteries and my cd player was dead), a book, and a 20oz dr. pepper. For $16.87. I could have bought the batteries for $0.97 at Wal-mart, the book for half price (around $4) at Hastings with my roomates employee discount, and the 20oz for $0.75 out of a coke machine outside of Wal-mart. Next time I will be better prepared.
The book is amazing however. I bought it on a whim and because everything else looked dull or over done. It's titled "Harvard Yard" and is all about this lost Shakesphere play. The athor switches from the past where a family passes down the play and hides it in various places to the present where a book dealer is led into the search for the book by an old collage friend. I haven't finished it yet, but I am very excited to find out how it ends.

My little one wants to play her Care Bear game on the computer. So much for not sharing.

Love has got me down

2004-12-31T23:15:00.000-07:00

One last note on 2004. My friend that I talk about quite a bit here, the one that I am just friends with even though I've loved him since 8th grade (I'm 28 now), just dropped by. They're sending him back to Iraq next month and when he gets back in a year or more he's getting married. To the mother of his daughter. She just started her divorce paperwork from the guy she's currently married to. She's never been good to him that I can tell. I hope it works out for his sake and his little one's. But if it's not going to then I hope he realizes that before they get married.
As for me... I think I'm tired of even thinking about love. I think I'll just stop trying, stop thinking it's ever going to work for me, just get on with my life. Maybe I'll really look into going back to school instead of just talking about it. Throw myself into my work, my daughter, my writing. Anything to not think about what it seems everyone but me can find.
To all those happy loving couples out there... I'm glad someone firgured it out.
My New Year's resoultion, Try not to get so depressed. Sure, we'll see.
Happy 2005. Good Luck everyone.

but it's so overrated, love and hate it, wouldn't trade it, love me jaded

2004-12-31T08:20:00.000-07:00

Yippie!! I'm back home and can finally get back to updating and catch up on how everyone else is doing!
We had a wonderfull Christmas. My little sister decided not to come home this year which ment a peaceful Christmas with no fighting.
My daughter seems to have grown a foot since this summer. We went to the cabin for a few days and there was snow, so she got her wish and was able to throw snowballs at her uncles. Yesterday her dad's parents dropped by to see her. They brought her aunt's barbie collection that the aunt had out grown and now my little one has three huge boxes, 5 shoe box size boxes, a jeep and a doll house all filled with barbie stuff. It looks like the little girl aisle at Walmart in my living room.
My brother gave me "The Maltese Falcon" for Christmas. He's doing great, he made the dean's list for the third semester in a row. I'm so proud of him.
My mother asked me, a few weeks before Christmas, to send her a list of the dvds I want for Christmas so she would know what to look for. Then she proceeded to not get me any and instead got me another miniture tea set, of which I had told her many times I had too many of already and that I really didn't need more stuff. She's so funny sometimes. On the bright side she did get me a whole box of white chocolate kit kats. That's okay though, I'll get her back by buying her another storyteller, of which she has more than she ever wanted, for mother's day!
And now a farwell to 2004. This year has reunited me with a long lost friend, sent my baby off to kindergarten, introduced me to the blue collar comedy tour, allowed me to pass my CDA test, given me lots to laugh about, very little to cry over, and the usual amount of stress. All and all it's been a good year and I hope 2005 is even better, though it is bringing me my 10 year highschool reunion. I think I'll skip that.
To all of you, hope you had a great Christmas and that the New Year brings you everything you want.
Hugs and kisses to everyone.

Inside of someone else's crazy dream

2004-12-19T21:14:00.000-07:00

I have had a crazy week, but at last it's over. To a point. I still have to wash my clothes, pack, finish the christmas shopping, get a new driver's licence and finish my christmas cards. I've been in pain for a couple of days now. It's my neck and I think it has to do with how I'm sleeping or stress. Frankly I'm letting it all get to me and I know it's not that big a deal. It'll all work out.

On the extreme bright side, I now have my own computer. My roomate bought a new IMAC and gave me the old PC that we had been sharing and so now I can type in the privacy of my own room. I love it. I am so happy. The new IMACs are neat. I'm usually don't like Macs but this one has the computer and monitor built in to each other and it's a flat screen. I haven't tried it out yet. I am partial to this old PC. I like Windows. I have quit using Internet Explorer though. I found out that I like Modzilla better. Mostly I don't like change. I prefer to keep things the way they are as long as the way they are is comfortable. I also dressed up my big old clunky monitor with Snoopy stickers. They each have Snoopy in a different expression. The many attitudes of the computer.

I can't wait till Thursday. I get to pick up my baby girl then. I can't wait to see her agian. I hate these long absenses. This next week is going to be an emersion in family and holiday stuff so I don't know when I'll update agian. Tomarrow I head to Deming and will be there until the 27th then to drop in on Luna and to the cabin until the 30th. The 30th my little one's paternal grandparents are dropping in to see her. The 31st Stephanie and the girls are coming over for New Year's Eve. Either the evening of the first or the morning of the second my little one's dad is going to pick her up. See busy busy.

When everything you see is a blur

2004-12-11T18:05:00.000-07:00

I supose I shouldn't say anything, because after all I'm always wishing for more comments, but I find it annoying when someone post as "Anonymous." Mostly because I don't understand it. After all we can be as anonymous as we want with our blogs and what not. Mostly it annoys me because most anonymous comments are negative.
Today I baked chocolate chip cookies, waffels, a pumpkin pie, and made sugar cookie dough. All while babysitting a four year old, two year old, and a one year old. I was watching Stephanie's kids so she could further her education. She's working on her CDA and will graduate highschool on the 22. It's amazing. She is such a good mom, is trying so hard to make a better life for her and the girls, and doing it all on her own at the age of 20.
Tomarrow I am doing laundry, cleaning, and baking cookies.
Just one more week of work and then two weeks off. I'll be home with the family and my little one. I am so ready for a break.

take it as far as she goes

2004-12-07T06:20:00.000-07:00

I read the lines
you write in imperfect symetry
wondering how you know
so much about the world
how you can see it all
as the words
with comfort or stimulation
give me the desire
to know the intimate
intanglements of your soul
revised 12-7-04

As you can see I'm still having a bit of trouble with this one. The last five lines just don't seem to flow right, even in this revised edition. Comments or suggestions anyone? Maybe I should just give up on this particular poem for a few years. Sometimes that seems to help.

Last night I spent an hour and a half listening to my Mom go on about how my kid sister is screwing up her life. I told mom that she should just let her, since it's obvious that there is nothing we can do about it.

Lately I just don't feel in the Christmas spirit. I don't know why that is. Right after Halloween I was ready for Christmas. Thinking Christmas thoughts. Now I find myself not caring. It's not that I'm tired of it. It's more like "so what?" I've never felt like this about Christmas.

And you're back on the street

2004-12-04T10:05:00.000-07:00

I'm having my lazy Saturday morning. I'm sitting here in velour pants, sweater socks, a tank top, and a flannel shirt. I love the sensations of each of these fabrics. The texture, the meaning they convey, the story they tell. The velour pants speak of hidden sensuality. The sweater socks whisper of warmth and home. The tank top is a gentle reminder that warmer days will come. The flannel shirt speaks of the memories of ten years back.
I discovered that WeirdLoverWilde did not quit writing several months ago as I had thought, so I spent the morning reading all her entries that I missed. So glad she's still out there.
This next bit is how I feel when I read many other peoples work.

I read the lines
you write in imperfect symetry
wondering how you know
so much about the world
how you can see it all
as the words caress my soul
with comfort or stimulation
giving me cravings for more
desiring to know the intimate
intanglements of your soul.
--12-04-04

love is like the right dress on the wrong girl

2004-12-03T07:51:00.000-07:00

I have ten minutes before I have to leave for work, so I'm stalling. I don't want to go to work today. Not for any particular reason. I just don't want to go. At least it's Friday. Tomorrow I can be as lazy as I want to.
I got an e-mail from some random guy here in town. He's a 35 year old attorney and he wants to know if I'm interested in a "friends-with-benefits" thing. Apparently he saw my Yahoo! profile. Which doesn't really tell you anything about me, so I'm not sure what made him write me. Then again maybe he sent the same e-mail to all the girls in town he could locate on Yahoo!.
22 more days till Christmas. I haven't done one bit of shopping and don't intend to till the 17th. It's a lack of money thing. I have started working on my Christmas Cards though. I'm hoping to finish them off this weekend.
I'm missing Chris. It's odd because I was mostly uncomfortable while he was here. I think I just really want someone I can feel close to around.